A ritual that not only heals the inner child, but also the feminine soul

Any woman who is healing her inner child would have recognised on some level, her mother could not give her the love, attention, support and protection she needed. On some level, we are walking around, undernourished, exhausted and maybe even orphaned.

This hunger unconsciously makes us settle for scraps in career, relationships and even in our own self-care. It is no wonder why we are stunted, unable to grow fully.

When I moved out a few years ago, I became fully responsible for my meals. At the first place I was staying, the environment wasn’t so conducive for cooking so I never made more than heat up leftover takeaway food. Eating out did not bode well for my health. For the last 3 decades, I was lucky to have a domestic helper whip up healthy meals in my parent’s home. So when I moved to a really nice place where all my housemates loved to cook, I was eager to experiment.

I learnt from my housemates, made a few mistakes of my own and I finally found my groove.

I wasn’t aware that in those months of learning to cook, I was developing my capacity to mother myself. A really important skill to stop myself from relying on my mother for ‘nurturing’ — a pattern that I could not break, understandably, since my inner child needed her mother.

A series of unfortunate events brought me back to my mother’s home, where I am still living at the moment. It hasn’t been easy as she remained fixated on old ways of relating to me, ways I’ve long outgrown. Yet, the inner mother in me was still developing, and so, sometimes, I fell back into old patterns of wanting her love and validation.

In the midst the chaos, I always found a quiet peace and dignity when I was chopping away in the kitchen, cooking dishes by the stove. Over time, I began discovering my own favourite recipes which I could replicate easily. As I enjoyed more and more of my own cooking, and time away from my mother, my inner mother grew in confidence, and my inner child began to trust her more.

Being able to confidently nourish ourselves gives us strength. It affirms our innate mother, and our ability to survive no matter where we are. It is crucial to developing our independence. It is not the same as buying food from outside. Of course, when we known how to feed ourselves, we can feed another too.